Facing the truth – THE ACTUAL TRUTH

[TacoCat]

Before you start reading this you must know, that I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm looking for solutions and to let know anyone who might be in the same position where I'm now that they are not alone as I feel sometimes.

Also, this might be the only place where people actually might get it that sometimes it gets lonely in the trenches.

I’ve been lying to myself for a very long time.

I’ve always seen myself as this asskicking motherfucker that can do whatever the fuck he wants and thinks that the world is laid out for the taking.

I still believe that the world is laid out for the taking, the issue is that I’m not this asskicking motherfucker that does whatever he wants.

Deep down I’m a lazy asshole that doesn’t want to do anything. Although my ambitions are big and I believe that if you work hard at something you will achieve it, I don’t think that I have the character for it. I just can’t pull myself together to do the things that are necessary. Like working long hours and dedicating myself to a one single thing.

I don’t know why, maybe it is the fear of losing out on other opportunities. The problem with not dedicating myself to the promises that I make to myself is that I basically dig the hole bigger for myself. It is a paradox.

You see, I make a promise to myself. Then I don’t keep that promise and I fail on it. That makes me beat up myself even more and lose respect towards myself… or whatever is there left from it.

I think that I don’t care what others think of me, but for the last YEAR that is all I’ve been trying to do. To get other peoples approval.

I go out drinking every weekend not because I really enjoy drinking, but that is the only way I can meet people and get them to approve to me that I’m a cool guy, that I’m this cool guy who knows how to have fun.

Well but then the next day you wake up and it is gone, I’m back to the life where I can’t keep promises to myself. Failing myself over and over again.

I could give it all up and just live a regular life, like most of the people will by getting a job that pays shit, then complain about my boss or coworkers, blame the government for everything, and sit at the TV every evening.

I’m actually doing it now, well at least the TV part. But the problem is that I can’t drop it, drop the ambition of doing something better, doing something bigger. It just bugs me, but it doesn’t bug me enough to do something about it and therefore I procrastinate and that brings me back at digging the whole bigger.

I’m angry with myself for not doing what I know I’m capable of doing and leaving my life on the table. The life that I would want to live. But that brings me to asking myself is that really the life that I want? The hustlers life, but if not then why in THE FUCKING HELL I CAN’T DROP IT?

I’m young and maybe this is just a part of my life where I try to decide what I want to do with it, but I’ve had this conversation with myself for the last 5 years. And I just can’t stick with something. And that just adds more doubt.

The point of my rattling: If anyone is where I am – feeling alone, fighting the fight within without anyone understanding you, know, that you are not alone in this, you are not the only one in this world who is there. Make no mistake – this is a fight for your life, for the life that you are going to live. And even if you’re digging the hole for yourself and can’t seem to stop remember, at one point you’re going to hit the bedrock where you can’t dig deeper. And I think that at that point you will have to choose to either starve and die or start digging a way out of there.

And if anyone here has been where I’m now and got out, please do share how you did it. Because I truly believe that the only thing that matters in whatever you’re doing is mental game. Because if that is right, then you are going to WIN.

 

[Ryuzaki]

I don’t think that I have the character for it

I don't believe this is true. I think that all of us tend to far over estimate what it actually takes to succeed. We see success as this receding horizon, where the closer we get to it, the further off it moves. And we compare our weakest selves to others best selves, so that the gap seems huge. But when you average it out, most of us are at the leading edge of having what it takes. It's our minds playing tricks on us. We fear what we think it will take, not what it actually takes.

It also boils down to game theory. Like John Nash said in the movie A Beautiful Mind... and I paraphrase, "While everyone's chasing the 9/10 in the bar because they are scared of the dime, I go for her friend, the 10/10, and I win 100% of the time. But only one of those 8 guys going after the 9/10 wins. We think there's a shitload of competition out there, but when you're aiming at the top 5%, you've already eliminated 95% of the competition. Your sights determine the competition.

Plus, you don't need the character or will power for this. What you need is to set up systems and outsourcing. You aren't meant to work in your business, you're meant to work on your business. Big difference, especially when it comes to time involved.

beat up myself even more and lose respect towards myself

To get other peoples approval.

Both of the quotes above indicate low self-esteem and low independence. If you need anyone else to complete your circle, you're broken. You complete your circle and that's it. You have to be a whole person first, or you end up drunk at bars flinging your arms out into the darkness hoping to find someone to validate you.

I come from two schools of thought on solving these issues: 1) insight into the past and why you feel this way, or 2) achieving top level shit so far above the people you associate with that you have no choice but to feel like a champ.

#2 is also why you end up seeing people running around with crowds you know they shouldn't. You see the skinny hot girl surrounding herself with ugly fat girls. You see the intellectual guy with good grades running around with the poor, drug addicted stoners.

I procrastinate

To me, this says one of three things: 1) you don't have the will power for the grind, or 2) you don't have
the right reasons to stick it out, or 3) you're not doing something cool enough that you're passionate enough about. Or some mixture.

#1 is only for some people. You don't have to grind it out forever, just long enough to hire employees. You need some noble goal to be pushing towards too. A lot of us had hardships growing up that make these goals real obvious, or we have ailing parents or grandparents or siblings we want to provide for, etc. A car and money and adrenaline rushes won't cut it. You need a real reason. #2 should pull you through #3, but it's not a must. You need to be doing something you enjoy. If it's a bullshit grind, then you're off course. You're not being authentic to yourself. You're walking someone else's path or a path you laid out for yourself based on a bunch of "shoulds" instead of "woulds".

 

[Calamari]

You are not alone!

Just the fact alone that you have so much self awareness speaks volumes.

I reccomend you read this: http://www.amazon.com/Break-Through-Your-BS-Greatness-ebook/dp/B019KNRE7Y

Or another one of the hundreds of book like it that have been bought by millions of people. The difference between you and millions of people is that you stand a better chance of breaking through than most of them.

I haven't broken through (if that's even truly possible) either but I have improved leaps and bounds.

 

[The Kloser]

You are not alone!

but if not then why in THE FUCKING HELL I CAN’T DROP IT?

I can share with you this: The hustler life will never leave you as long as you are alive.

It will hunt you down reminding you everyday what life could be if you had gotten your act together. It will manifest it self in the most awkward moments in the middle of the night or super fucking early like 5:37 am. You will lay there staring at the sealing for hours on end. The thought is so deep implanted now it is part of you. Basically, You can not shut it off - like ever.

So, what can you do? Tell you the truth I don't know and only you knows exactly what needs to be done.

I can advise you to confront yourself/demons, commit to one thing, start a new project, face your fears, remove all the blocks, ignore the non-sayers, make drastic changes, dig deep to find your why, use your pain to make gain, go browse inspire a newbie thread, take some time off etc...It will only work for a short period of time and then back to the same funk.

We all been there and some of us are there now. The only way out is either you expire or you get to it.

 

[RomesFall]

I agree with all the above posts, you've got to listen to them.

You've also got to stop beating yourself up because you're never going to be 100% all the time. All you do by beating yourself up is use up valuable energy that could be focused elsewhere. Those negative thoughts become a self-perpetuating system that will only limit you more than any of the individual things you're beating yourself up for.

Detach from that shit.

Accept that sometimes you fuck up, that you can't do something, or whatever; and instead of letting the negative thoughts overwhelm you, try to shift your mind and focus on what you've got to do next.

Focus on organization and routine instead of sheer will-power or motivation, both of which are finite.


One thing I sense is a fear of failure and maybe this stretches into your decision making.

Sometimes it's better to make a decision (or put your faith in something), put your blinders on and just stick to it. If you like going to the gym you probably use various supplements, we don't know wtf they all do to us in the long run. We put our faith in the idea that what we're doing is good. If we spent all our time analyzing or worrying about the potential complications later on in life then we would get nothing done.

We use our best judgment to make those decisions, but make it and stick to it.

Did you ever wonder if maybe you're slipping up because you're not fully confident in your plan? If you're not committed to it with full faith that it's going to work then of course your mind is going to find ways to 'protect' you.

I think what might help you is finding some activity where you can forget about everything for a while, even if it's only once a week because you're worrying too much and it's that anxiety that's paralyzing you right now in so many ways.

 

[rothschild]

This thread has been really interesting and personally I think we can all see part of ourselves in what you write.

Deep down I’m a lazy asshole that doesn’t want to do anything. Although my ambitions are big and I believe that if you work hard at something you will achieve it, I don’t think that I have the character for it. I just can’t pull myself together to do the things that are necessary. Like working long hours and dedicating myself to a one single thing.

Mate, if I can learn to leak one tenth of the traffic you have, I'll be a happy man! Just by being on BuSo you've got more hustle than 90% of people. For me, it's about taking action every day - with the routine will come the confidence and improvements I need. I have no doubts that it'll be the same for you too.

We've seen what you're capable of mate - now it's time to start smashing it.

 

[turbin3]

I have a few thoughts on this, from the mental/psychological side of the equation, as I continue working that side myself, every single day.

Learn To Love

This is not the feelgood bullshit it might seem at face value. One of the most difficult psychological components to work through, is in changing what you "love" and what you enjoy doing. If there is one thing I've seen people, seen friends, and even seen myself fail at, it's in continuing to focus one's mind on the love of the outcome. Don't get me wrong, it's great to enjoy and relish those outcomes. That being said, one common thing you'll see among many wildly and consistently successful people is that they often truly enjoy the pursuit and the components that make up the pursuit.

The long, sleepless, nights.

The grinding away like there's no end in sight.

The ruthless assault against one's own ego.

The methodical and persistent attack on the problem that's in front of you.

Recovering relentlessly, even when all of the influences of the world, mind, and body attempt to subdue.

Learn to love those things, until they become subconscious. Easier said than done, but it is what you must do.

Learn To Let Go

This is tied significantly with learning to love more productive things. What holds us back is what we think we can't, won't, or don't want to let go of. It will always hold you back, unless you develop the courage to simply put one foot in front of the other and step off of that precipice into the abyss.

Validation

Social engagement

Being entertained

For example, how much of your life is filled with Facebook or whatever other social platform? Is it making you money or in some other way contributing to your success? Reduce or eliminate it. You will feel like you're missing out, losing touch, but as we learned above, those might not necessarily be the feelings you need to reinforce if you want to become more successful.

Learn To Change The Game

There are many things from your current life that you may need to change if you ever want to escape the clutches of marginality.

Friends

Interactions

Restrictions

You might end up losing touch with a lot of your friends, because you're too busy grinding away and being a winner. How much of your time is spent on non-productive interaction? You might need to limit that. Are there life-restrictions that are holding you back from doing what needs to be done? For example, say a job is taking too much time and mental capacity away from your off-hour productivity. In that case, a person might want to consider finding another job, that's financially sufficient, less time-consuming, and/or less difficult so as to not cloud their mind. If working a crappy gas station job for low pay is what it takes to shut off "day job mode" when 5:00pm rolls around, so that you can go into grind mode on your own personal endeavors, then that's what it takes.

 

[juliantrueflynn]

I'll sound not very empathetic or deep but this sounds like all bullshit. You just sound like any young person with a big ego and not enough talent to back it up which makes you self conscious. You also sound ignorant just summing up the average peer problems as employees, boss, and what to watch on tv. Maybe that's what they say at parties, that's a party though.

My advice is just get more disciplined/organized in other areas in life. Maybe pick up daily meditation, start working out weekly, consistent sleep schedule if you aren't already. Fix up your nutrition too. Anything else seems like bullshit to me unless you go to a therapist to talk these things out.