How to handle other people's jealousy

[Philip J. Fry]

Let's say your Internet business goes well, you become r-i-c-h, and work a 4 hour work week traveling the globe with your affiliate-coin-passive-dividends. Good for you and every friend of yours would congratulate you on your hard work, especially if you hung out with them less to focus on your business, right? Nope. They'll find you inspiring like the business leaders that inspired you, right? Nope. Instead, many people will become jealous and hate you. They'll say comments such as "which house are you in now?" or "Oh, you finally left that paradise island and are heading back home?"

If you ignore these comments and just continue on like it doesn't affect you, it will build up and they'll resent you even more. They'll feel more and more insecure and just hate you. You have to deal with their jealousy, if you want to keep the relationship. If not, end it. You can deal with the jealousy by validating their decisions too. They just chose a different path then you. "But your career is good too! You help a lot more people than me! I never meet any of the people I help and your students must be so adorable!" or "I was given an advantage based upon my interests and passions, I'm sure if you were in the same shoes I was, you'd be well off too" (sorta lie here but some people just want their victim card validated) or "It's really unfortunate that your industry isn't doing so well as tech. People in your industry should really be paid more!" And with that, their jealousy subsides.

Also, if you're new on your entrepreneurship journey and there are people hating you, especially if you had a taste of success, it's because they're jealous. Figure out if you want them in your life or not. If yes, handle them. If not, distance yourself from them. Not worth your time and energy. You might need to validate them if you bump into them -- people can gossip about you and such, which is also annoying.

Hope this helps!

 

[WinMore]

I used to care what people thought of me and didn't want them to be jealous.
Once I started being more successful than most of my family, I noticed that they expected "more" from me (in terms of gifts).
The ironic thing is when this became obvious is at a time had lost my job and had no income. They demanded bigger gifts for their children because "you have a well-paid job" (I never disclosed my salary either, they just assumed because I got a company car).
Ever since then, I really don't give a shit about their opinions anymore. Barely have any contact with them now.

If they behave even worse when I REALLY make it, then they can fuck off. I don't need people in my life that can't just be happy for me.

I get trying to get them to see that they have good stuff going around as well, but in my experience, that doesn't help. And trying to get them to be successful also doesn't work. They usually just want to be a victim.

At some point, I was contemplating buying a "bad" house when I made it big. A front to act "normally successful". The more I think about it, the more it becomes obvious that those people aren't worth the effort.
It's the same sort of people that go "don't do it, it's not worth the risk!", holding you back all the time.

Gossipers are gonna gossip, no matter what, or how well, you do.

 

[Philip J. Fry]

I used to care what people thought of me and didn't want them to be jealous.
Once I started being more successful than most of my family, I noticed that they expected "more" from me (in terms of gifts).
The ironic thing is when this became obvious is at a time had lost my job and had no income. They demanded bigger gifts for their children because "you have a well-paid job" (I never disclosed my salary either, they just assumed because I got a company car).
Ever since then, I really don't give a shit about their opinions anymore. Barely have any contact with them now.

If they behave even worse when I REALLY make it, then they can fuck off. I don't need people in my life that can't just be happy for me.

I get trying to get them to see that they have good stuff going around as well, but in my experience, that doesn't help. And trying to get them to be successful also doesn't work. They usually just want to be a victim.

At some point, I was contemplating buying a "bad" house when I made it big. A front to act "normally successful". The more I think about it, the more it becomes obvious that those people aren't worth the effort.
It's the same sort of people that go "don't do it, it's not worth the risk!", holding you back all the time.

Gossipers are gonna gossip, no matter what, or how well, you do.

I get this and this is a fear I had, that people are using me for my money. However, what I have learned is a little bit of generosity, especially if it is meaningful or at least well intended, goes a long way. But you gotta set boundaries. You don't want to be the "rich uncle" that everyone expects a nice gift from. You also don't want to be Scrooge either. A hood friend of mine explained it like this, some people just want things that they never had before. That's all. They might have always desired a Gucci bag or a Rolex watch but it doesn't mean that you have to buy them that product. Both are marketing schemes. Omega is just as good as Rolex and Bond wore the Seamaster as well as the Submariner. Therefore, you can still give them nice gifts that they want, while saving money. You just gotta explain it to them. People who don't know nice things don't appreciate it. If they don't, they'll become entitled and that's when you have a problem with people leeching off of you. If you are generous and they appreciate it, you have improved the relationship.

Sounds like they really offended you and you're bitter about it with a chip on your shoulder. Social isolation isn't the answer either, since socially isolated people is deadly. "Social isolation significantly increased a person’s risk of premature death from all causes, a risk that may rival those of smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity" (https://www.cdc.gov/aging/publications/features/lonely-older-adults.html). You're removing yourself from leeches but you're also removing yourself from your support group. Pick wisely.

Yes, people gossip but it can also be perceived as social knowledge. To know someone first hand is one thing. To know what their friends and family says about them is another. You need both to get a full idea of who they are. People can put up a good act for quite awhile and not knowing what other people say about other people can leave you at a very, very large disadvantage. This is for business as well as personal life.

 

[Trump]

I think you care too much about what people say. It also sounds like you should cut a lot of people out of your life if this is what they say and how it seems to affect you.

I've never had people like this around me, so I've never even came close to hearing comments like this. The only thing I can think of is when a woman asked what I made last month and her reaction was, obviously jealous, "yeah, but you have to pay taxes on that".

It really sounds like you should start considering your social circle, and maybe even how you represent yourself. Maybe you attract these type of people.

I couldn't care less what people say or think lol.

 

[Philip J. Fry]

I think you care too much about what people say. It also sounds like you should cut a lot of people out of your life if this is what they say and how it seems to affect you.

I've never had people like this around me, so I've never even came close to hearing comments like this. The only thing I can think of is when a woman asked what I made last month and her reaction was, obviously jealous, "yeah, but you have to pay taxes on that".

It really sounds like you should start considering your social circle, and maybe even how you represent yourself. Maybe you attract these type of people.

I couldn't care less what people say or think lol.

If I did that in my very, very communist, feminist, pro-LBGTQ leaning community, I'd be alone Yes, I understand that I'm not a public figure and don't have to care about what people think about me but I also live in a city of 20,000 people and the world is a small place. Burning bridges, spiting people, and socially isolating myself were things of the past and I do remove negative people in my life. That just can't be your only move though. You're only hurting yourself then.

 

[andreint]

My wife's cousin called the IRS (not the US) on me and reported that I'm sitting around the house all day and yet live in a brand new house, drive two cars, and go on vacations whenever I feel like it. She found that very suspicious and wanted them to look into me and what I do/am I dealing drugs or some shit.

People's stupidity can go a long way...

Just try to avoid all the noise and do your thing.

 

[GNews]

Gotta learn to live with 2 things:

1) People want everything, without having to learn nor do anything new.... just feel entitled for knowing someone successful

2) Some people just genuinely hate to see people do good and do good ( positivity and success)

you deal with them by taking the best / coolest photos you can for social media ... and ignore them until they realize it's something wrong in them not you

Some you'll ignore for life.

I think i made a post about this on here before how after my success and leaving the home of my own father, I realized how toxic he was and hates to see people do well without his input. Always had deep issues but the clarity didn't come until I came back and i saw how much it bothered him to see me working in peace and I wouldn't participate in gossipy conversations,speaking negatively of others. I asked him to stop talking about these people he supposedly 'cares bout' and he then spazzed on me and said "why do you even come back then?"

Sister has his same attitude. She did something simliar, also had to walk away from that situation and I saved the last nasty text she sent over for a reminder.

Had a friend from the web, we had similar issues with family but we worked together on web business and did extremely well. He chose to stick with his mother and sister who are SUPER TOXIC.

He's now making $XX-MM a year, last i knew but he's got NO HAPPINESS..... has a serious disconnect with women b/c of them and seeks out Transsexuals and can't control his emotions as a man should. I had to cut him off b/c he's spreading their toxicity. Couldn't stand alone and joined them, but it drives him crazy knowing better..... but can't have a family that will get on the right path.

Some people really just want to do wrong all their life, drag people down around them so they can justify their lack of happiness / hellish situation (which comes from bad decisions) by saying "everybody around me is living on this level or less too..........., and if you try to take the higher path .... they will let 'their devils' out and see if they can get you off it.

I find peace now with myself................. and random people / places.

I lost it all a few years ago trying to help low vibration people , giving them 2nd-3rd-10th chances. I'll never do it again.

Most people rather conform and be a crab in the bucket than a Gay dolphin with a small pod...

and gay as in Happy... just used the word to sensationalize a bit lol

 

[WinMore]

I don't think cutting people like this out of your life leads to social isolation.
In any city, there are plenty of people that don't act like that.

 

[miketpowell]

I've found if you drive a minivan, wear the same worn comfortable clothes, and don't talk about how much you are making most people do not think about your money much.

It seems I've been pretty lucky or something because I've always heard all these stories about toxic people and behavior but have encountered practically NONE of it. People seem to either don't really care or they are happy for me.

Not to point fingers at anyone here but I have seen on multiple occasions someone that showboats whatever success they have as much as they can and then complain "about the haters and jealousy". It kind of seems like the same as the "I hate drama so much" type of people are usually the ones causing all the drama.

I personally would not have any desire to be friends with anyone that expects/needs me to buy them things not to be toxic.

 

[GNews]

Not to point fingers at anyone here but I have seen on multiple occasions someone that showboats whatever success they have as much as they can and then complain "about the haters and jealousy". It kind of seems like the same as the "I hate drama so much" type of people are usually the ones causing all the drama.

I personally would not have any desire to be friends with anyone that expects/needs me to buy them things not to be toxic.

Not sure who're addressing there .

In a forum about business like this, i think giving receipts is important . That's not 'bragging' and nor is sharing your experiences b/c the next to come here reading will experience your exact ride possibly

In real life, most people aren't talking about what's in a forum like BuSo

Also, I'd think most people on BuSo re intelligent enough to not be offended by reality

To me, In a group of true friends that are driven/motivated.... There's no such thing as boasting about success, if it's reality

That's like Tom Brady not being able to wear his 7 rings

However, when people start trying to make their 'opinion of a matter' count for something...........

We've left reality .... and one person wants to make their negative perception , from a hidden emotion, count for something. That's not 'cool' imo. Unicorn world syndrome.

 

[MrMedia]

I hope I’m never so successful I am forced to start dating transsexuals

 

[Ryuzaki]

I hope I’m never so successful I am forced to start dating transsexuals

Get on @stackcash‘s level.

 

[GNews]

I hope I’m never so successful I am forced to start dating transsexuals

If you like it, you like it ........not knocking people who do.

but with my friend... for me it was clear, this came from a view of women created by toxic women closest to him.

Some people may see that as a joke

But it's something I witnessed happen to a close friend. Nothing to do with success and everything to deal with not being able to cut off the wrong people , who happen to be family.

Father was a wealthy man from a wealthy family. Got involved with the wrong woman. Got him into the wrong things. Ended up dead.

That mother still carried her toxic ways on. Even having cups in the house saying "Nothing like a rich man who's stupid with his money" and just totally egotistical shit. Who would do this knowing the story of how kids' father died??? Yeah... women can be evil too.

Dad's family won't associate with anything dealing with her b/c they view her like a disease. Whatever she touches, goes down, and it's true.

I would go on but yeah. I guess i went on a tangent as this post touched a few close topics for me.

The reference to the money was saying you can make A TON OF MONEY but if you don't have the strength to cut off toxic/jealous/etc people..... you wont be happy. But I typically just speak direct/uncut , so people can digest the message who need it.

I didn't come from a silver spoon lifestyle or had somebody who taught me how to 'refine what you speak' . We learned from the school of hard knocks (figure it out yourself). And I know there will be other web entrepreneurs who go through the same. These posts help.

 

[DanielS]

Social isolation isn't the answer either, since socially isolated people is deadly. "Social isolation significantly increased a person’s risk of premature death from all causes, a risk that may rival those of smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity" (https://www.cdc.gov/aging/publications/features/lonely-older-adults.html). You're removing yourself from leeches but you're also removing yourself from your support group. Pick wisely.

What's worse- surrounding yourself with distractions (less-than-ideal people) or remaining focused on your goals while isolated? This is something I've had to deal with since graduating high school back in 2014.

This past summer was the first time I was able to (decided to) hangout with a friend since 2016. This particular individual is someone I've known since the age of 8. If they tried to drag me down or distract me, I'd have no problem not talking to them again- I went half a decade without seeing them or talking to the, already. The friend I used to hangout with prior to 2016 and during high school moved away.

Living in a town of fewer than 3,000 people, I understand not wanting to remove yourself from a particular group. After all, who else will you be able to be friends with? BUT, how badly do you want to achieve your goals?

The thing is, if you have no "true" friends, wouldn't making more money and moving to another location be much more ideal? What would be holding you back (aside from family or a job)?

(BTW- when I say "you" I don't mean you in particular- I mean anybody).

With this said, I've never had to deal with people becoming jealous of my success because I haven't accomplished any true success. BUT, I do have perceived success among people my age (and older) when I tell them my approximate bank balance (the bar is very low in society nowadays folks). Maybe this is simply because I've only spoken to around 6 individuals in the past 2 years...

 

[miketpowell]

Not sure who're addressing there .

In a forum about business like this, i think giving receipts is important . That's not 'bragging' and nor is sharing your experiences b/c the next to come here reading will experience your exact ride possibly

In real life, most people aren't talking about what's in a forum like BuSo

Also, I'd think most people on BuSo re intelligent enough to not be offended by reality

To me, In a group of true friends that are driven/motivated.... There's no such thing as boasting about success, if it's reality

That's like Tom Brady not being able to wear his 7 rings

However, when people start trying to make their 'opinion of a matter' count for something...........

We've left reality .... and one person wants to make their negative perception , from a hidden emotion, count for something. That's not 'cool' imo. Unicorn world syndrome.

First paragraph isn't at anyone here.

I'm speaking about the difference between Tom Brady wearing his rings vs changing any conversation into "that time I won another Superbowl" and then complaining about "the haters" when people don't like that.

And no I don't know TB that is a hypothetical example that I have seen play out multiple times. People that cannot stop talking about something everyone else already knows and is tired of hearing about.

 

[stackcash]

1. Jealous people have no place in anyone's life. Envy over success is due to them not being able to visualize the same path you took for themselves. When they internally realize they don't have a way to match/beat you, their own disappointment comes out in the form of jealousy. Let these people say what they want to say and keep doing what you're doing. Their words don't affect you in the slightest. This is doubly true if the jealous person is connected by blood.

2. Poor/rich are not binary things. They exist on a spectrum. You don't "become rich." Instead, you level-up compared to where you were yesterday. There will always be people at your level that understand your current frame of mind and the experiences you're going through at the moment. Find them instead of trying to make the jealous people understand you.

3. Financial freedom is not synonymous with power. You can achieve financial independence and passive income without being a powerful person.

4. You only need people when your underlying intent is to achieve power. If the goal is power, then you'll probably need to carve out time to appease the jealous people in your life. If not, there is no need to entertain anyone's opinion about you.

5. You've already done the hard work to level-up compared to your unique past. You have zero obligation socially, morally or otherwise to help jealous people feel better about their current station in life. If you do feel a need to do that, someone is manipulating you. You've already earned the right to seek out like-minded people that will help propel you forward and reach the next level. There is zero reason to waste time and energy trying to convince the jealous people to level up themselves just so they can become those people that will propel you forward.

6. Don't get baited into petty arguments contrived by jealous people. They're looking to create a situation in which they can come out on top over you. The fact that they're jealous and are attempting this behavior means you're already the winner. Move on.

Get on @stackcash‘s level.

You were my first, but won't be my last.

 

[Pagey]

Fuck them, cut ties with people like that. This is typical crab in a bucket mentality. If one gets up the others drag him down. You don't want to be in the same bucket as them.

 

[eliquid]

Let's say your Internet business goes well, you become r-i-c-h, and work a 4 hour work week traveling the globe with your affiliate-coin-passive-dividends. Good for you and every friend of yours would congratulate you on your hard work, especially if you hung out with them less to focus on your business, right? Nope. They'll find you inspiring like the business leaders that inspired you, right? Nope. Instead, many people will become jealous and hate you. They'll say comments such as "which house are you in now?" or "Oh, you finally left that paradise island and are heading back home?"

On the topic of they'll find you inspiring like the business leaders that inspire you part...

There is in the Bible, "No prophet is welcome in his own town".

Regardless of your religious beliefs, you can take it as advice from 2,000+ years ago. These were issues as old as time almost.

In essence, you will never be influential to those closest to you, to those you grew up around or knew you before. People will be inspired by someone they do not know on facts they can't prove before they will you if they have known you during your come up.

I've witnessed these hundreds of times in my own life.

You will for sure get hate from those closest to you on matters like this.

If you ignore these comments and just continue on like it doesn't affect you, it will build up and they'll resent you even more. They'll feel more and more insecure and just hate you. You have to deal with their jealousy, if you want to keep the relationship. If not, end it. You can deal with the jealousy by validating their decisions too. They just chose a different path then you. "But your career is good too! You help a lot more people than me! I never meet any of the people I help and your students must be so adorable!" or "I was given an advantage based upon my interests and passions, I'm sure if you were in the same shoes I was, you'd be well off too" (sorta lie here but some people just want their victim card validated) or "It's really unfortunate that your industry isn't doing so well as tech. People in your industry should really be paid more!" And with that, their jealousy subsides.

I've learned you can't teach people.

I don't mean in the Guru sense of the word "teach", but people typically do not want to change. Sure, they will say they will.. but the majority of people will not and do not want to change. They want the EASY button however.

So in this situation, I ignore them. I've tried to help and give advice and do the placation, but it never works long term because the jealousy might subside for a while, but will always be there and show up years later. Trust me on this.

Also, if you're new on your entrepreneurship journey and there are people hating you, especially if you had a taste of success, it's because they're jealous. Figure out if you want them in your life or not. If yes, handle them. If not, distance yourself from them. Not worth your time and energy. You might need to validate them if you bump into them -- people can gossip about you and such, which is also annoying.

Hope this helps!

The best advice I can give is to ignore and keep moving forward. If you try to help or subside them, it doesn't work long term, and ( I did ) will feel like it was a giant waste of time when it rears its ugly head again.

It's the hardest with family. Friends, eh.. I've learned if you even have 1 or 2 true friends in your life you should consider yourself lucky so I don't mind cutting off people that aren't "my family" easily.