My Business Has Become My Identity

[CaptainHustle]

I have not been to the forum in a while.

But this is the only place in the IM world where I feel like there's some space for conversations like this. I can't relate to the "niche site" guys.

I have been thinking about this for a while and I feel a little disturbed. I feel like my business has taken over my identity. I felt like a loser in college because I never pursued it seriously. It was only when my business took off that I felt like I deserved a shred of respect.

I get up in the morning and I work on my sites till I go to sleep. I am not working the entire time. Hell, I am barely productive but that's not the point. There's no start and end to it like there is with a day job because I feel like I am letting my business down if I am not working on it.

I didn't grow up rich so I feel like if I am not putting in the work, it's all going to be taken away from me.

I am only thinking about it all the time. That's all the content I consume, even if it is someone random who has nothing valuable to offer me. If I am not working, I am refreshing my analytics or waiting for my rank tracker or affiliate dashboard to update. I go through those motions without really thinking about anything else.

If I had to choose something to do with my time, I would probably choose to work. My happiness fluctuates on the basis of my traffic and rankings. It's not that I can't do other things with my time, it is just that I would choose this if I had a choice.

Shouldn't there be more to life as a 24-year-old?

Since I work from home, I don't have much in the way of socialization. I lost most of my friends because we have very little in common now (even my best friends). Also, different cities and life got in the way. I don't feel like going out of my way to make new friends because I like being by myself.

I have also kept my business success a secret from anyone outside of close family and girlfriend because I don't know if they would be happy or jealous or if it would straight up endanger my life.

I have set really big goals like $100M a year not because I want to have that much money but because I have a chip on my shoulder. In the process, I have not celebrated milestones that I dreamed of even a year ago like clearing six figures a month from my sites. I achieved it and it became meh.

Have any of you gone through something like this?

 

[bernard]

It's a good thing you're recognising this now, instead of in 10 years. I can relate to everything.

I think you want to focus on what role that fear and self doubt plays in your decision making, instead of excitement and passion.

You're absolutely right to consider these things. Yes, life is far more than this, but it's also true that it can be far worse. There are no easy answers.

I do think if you have these concerns already, then you're not the type who "likes being alone" like you think you are. You should probably try to find some business partners or cowork situation with like minded people, not just randoms.

In the end, I don't think you will make it big, if you're actually having these thoughts, you sound like you need company.

Also, no one says you have to be full time self employed at 24, you can just do this as a side gig, while you find an agency job.

If you graduated college, you might want to consider finding a job in one of the hippest digital agencies in your town. Just look for the one with the most expensive rent.

I worked for a digital agency at your age for a couple of years and it was the best time in my life. You get so much stimulation, new ideas, make friends, network etc. It's honestly worth a lot more than what you can get from increasing your RPMs a bit.

You're young and I don't think you should be wasting your youth staring into a computer screen unless you're absolutely sure that's for you.

You've proven that you can achieve success in one field if you put your mind to it. Now sit down and meditate on what else in life you'd really like to try. Then keep your biz on the side and go chase that dream as well. There will be more than enough time for websites. You won't ever get your youth back.

 

[Ryuzaki]

I've had some of the same problems, with a similar upbringing financially speaking, and I found the problem was one of not having good boundaries.

I don't just mean boundaries against other people, which you're creating by not sharing your private information and not letting people erode your time. But I mean boundaries for ourselves against ourselves. Boundaries of time, behavior, and even thought.

One such issue I realized very recently (like in the past couple of months) is identical to yours: not stopping to experience joy and celebration. These are important. They acknowledge milestones, cement them in our minds as something we can absolutely achieve, and they install gratitude in us. It's incredibly important to stop and smell the roses, especially during these moments. These are things I feel aren't taught to us in families that don't have it all together the way others might. I wasn't passively taught not to celebrate, I was actively taught not to, and whenever I did (or we as a family did) it was pretty much punished and sabotaged. "Celebration and joy isn't for us" was the message, and it's a crock of shit. It's not just for us, it's prescribed to us for healthy living.

Another issue is just focusing on the negative and trying to be a fortune teller about negative outcomes or catastrophic futures. We can just as easily focus on the positive and have hope and anticipation for more goodness. These are mental boundaries we have to enforce for healthy living or we descend into anxiety, depression, pessimism, negativity, etc.

The issue of enforcing a social life and spending less time in the work is hard for me to say that... that it's wrong to go balls to the wall. I think the issue is that, if you're clearing 6 figures a month, you should be creating more processes, installing managers, and freeing up your time. You can be getting the same results by working on your business instead of in your business, so other qualified people that don't have the same gusto can do the work for you. You can celebrate creating jobs for them and reclaim some of your time. Then you can fill it back up by growing the team and rolling out more projects, or you can treat yourself kindly and spend more time on yourself, given that you're not allowing yourself to suffer from lifestyle creep.

Even if you don't go that route and stay enveloped by this work-universe, you need some boundaries on your behavior. If you're sitting there all day and not being productive and refreshing analytics and rank tracking, that's not really doing anything for you, your business, or anyone else. It's squandering your time. It would literally be better spent at the movie theater or playing video games.

This might resonate with you or not have anything to do with you, but I find a lot of people, me included, need permission. This permission often feels like it needs to come from other people but most often it needs to come from ourselves or we need assurances it comes from God or whatever, you know. But the permission is to relax, enjoy the fruits of our labor with the assurance that it won't all come crashing down (faith in yourself, your work, your team, in a spiritual sense, etc.).

We bundle up the fear and anxiety, experience in our bodies as nausea, tension in our muscles, etc. And we carry that around because it signals to us that we're on edge. We're poised to respond for the impending doom that is inevitably coming. Except it's not. There will be ups and downs, and we're capable and competent enough to respond to them flexibly when that time comes. We don't have to be on high alert or glued to the computer all the time. As long as we're prudent with our money and considering the future, we're okay. We can be free, and we have the green light. We have permission.

The goal should always be 3 things in my opinion, in this order:

• Spend our time making the money (Being the "Hustler")
• Spend our time and money to get people and machines to make the money. (Being the "Captain")
• Enjoy our newfound money and reclaimed time (Being the full on "Captain Hustle" who made it)

Being the solopreneur is the start. Building the businesses is next. Letting the businesses work for you is the final step. The prison bars have swung open. There's no need to sit inside the cage any longer, you know. We do it for so long and develop our traumas and habits and then we don't know what the frick to do once we're free. So we sit in the cage because, while it's not comfortable, it's at least familiar.

It's the same issue most people face when they hit 62 or 65 and retire. They have no clue what to do, and they literally die. You're 24, you don't want to be dead while living. Let yourself live some, and it starts with enforcing boundaries and flexing your faith muscles.

 

[mj22]

I've had some of the same problems, with a similar upbringing financially speaking, and I found the problem was one of not having good boundaries.

I don't just mean boundaries against other people, which you're creating by not sharing your private information and not letting people erode your time. But I mean boundaries for ourselves against ourselves. Boundaries of time, behavior, and even thought.

One such issue I realize very recently (like in the past couple of months) is identical to yours: not stopping to experience joy and celebration. These are important. They acknowledge milestones, cement them in our minds as something we can absolutely achieve, and they install gratitude in us. It's incredibly important to stop and smell the roses, especially during these moments. These are things I feel aren't taught to us in families that don't have it all together the way others might. I wasn't passively taught not to celebrate, I was actively taught not to, and whenever I did (or we as a family did) it was pretty much punished and sabotaged. "Celebration and joy isn't for us" was the message, and it's a crock of shit. It's not just for us, it's prescribed to us for healthy living.

Another issue is just focusing on the negative and trying to be a fortune teller about negative outcomes or catastrophic futures. We can just as easily focus on the positive and have hope and anticipation for more goodness. These are mental boundaries we have to enforce for healthy living or we descend into anxiety, depression, pessimism, negativity, etc.

The issue of enforcing a social life and spending less time in the work is hard for me to say that... that it's wrong to go balls to the wall. I think the issue is that, if you're clearing 6 figures a month, you should be creating more processes, installing managers, and freeing up your time. You can be getting the same results by working on your business instead of in your business, so other qualified people that don't have the same gusto can do the work for you. You can celebrate creating jobs for them and reclaim some of your time. Then you can fill it back up by growing the team and rolling out more projects, or you can treat yourself kindly and spend more time on yourself, given that you're not allowing yourself to deal with lifestyle creep.

Even if you don't go that route and stay enveloped by this work-universe, you need some boundaries on your behavior. If you're sitting there all day and not being productive and refreshing analytics and rank tracking, that's not really doing anything for you, your business, or anyone else. It's squandering your time. It would literally be better spent at the movie theater or playing video games.

This might resonate with you or not have anything to do with you, but I find a lot of people, me included, need permission. This permission often feels like it needs to come from other people but most often it needs to come from ourselves or we need assurances it comes from God or whatever, you know. But the permission is to relax, enjoy the fruits of our labor with the assurance that it won't all come crashing down (faith in yourself, your work, your team, in a spiritual sense, etc.).

We bundle up the fear and anxiety, experience in our bodies as nausea, tension in our muscles, etc. And we carry that around because it signals to us that we're on edge. We're poised to respond for the impending doom that is inevitably coming. Except it's not. There will be ups and downs, and we're capable and competent enough to respond to them flexibly when that time comes. We don't have to be on high alert or glued to the computer all the time. As long as we're prudent with our money and considering the future, we're okay. We can be free, and we have the green light. We have permission.

The goal should always be 3 things in my opinion, in this order:

• Spend our time making the money (Being the "Hustler")
• Spend our time and money to get people and machines to make the money. (Being the "Captain")
• Enjoy our newfound money and reclaimed time (Being the full on "Captain Hustle" who made it)

Being the solopreneur is the start. Building the businesses is next. Letting the businesses work for you is the final step. The prison bars have swung open. There's no need to sit inside the cage any longer, you know. We do it for so long and develop our traumas and habits and then we don't know what the frick to do once we're free.

It's the same issue most people face when they hit 62 or 65 and retire. They have no clue what to do, and they literally die. You're 24, you don't want to be dead while living. Let yourself live some, and it starts with enforcing boundaries and flexing your faith muscles.

AMEN Brother, I wanted to reply to this thread but didnt know how to put it into words. You NAILED IT, Amazing! Thank you.

 

[MrMedia]

All good points made here - many of which I can relate to on a deep level.

I say this sitting in a house I never dreamed I would own, driving a car I thought about buying in 2008.

However.....

This feeling and identity routine - is the real issue here that you want positive reinforcement from internet bros? If this then good luck I genuinely wish you and your fellow feels experts the best. Honestly.

However.... (part 2)

If you want my honest advice to combat this - my website is my identity vibe - plan an exit.

I want the fuck out of this game - said it many many times here already.

When you have a target exit in mind - $x,xxx,xxx - that you know leads to your new life - then this literally becomes a stepping stone.

When it is a stepping stone to the next phase of your life you will instantly become less attached to all the feelings and other BS you are assigning to this game.

It is a means to and end.

What the end looks like should concern you more than what the means looks like.

 

[Hanuman]

I feel it's all about setting boundaries. I come from India where it is common for people to not have a "9 to 5". Work extends well beyond 7-8 pm in a lot of companies, because why not.

But even when I was starting out, and working for an employer, I made sure I would leave at 6 pm no matter what. When I quit to start my own business, I again made sure, I would log out at 6 pm. I would sometimes see a notification from a client right about when I am logging off. But as tempting as it seems to just send one more email, I promised myself I would never do that.

And I think that has kept me sane for all this time.

It's a big change in mindset to acknowledge that your personal life is as important as your work life. If you would not work less at your job, you should also not 'work' less towards your personal life.

Set boundaries, and use that time to build friends, do your hobby, or whatever. And it makes things so much more easier.

 

[JOoa0ky]

But even when I was starting out, and working for an employer, I made sure I would leave at 6 pm no matter what. When I quit to start my own business, I again made sure, I would log out at 6 pm. I would sometimes see a notification from a client right about when I am logging off. But as tempting as it seems to just send one more email, I promised myself I would never do that.

That's how I was working 7 days a week from 8am-8pm. Then once I got home, was doing administrative and billing work... Go to sleep rinse and repeat.

The truth is that there will never be anyone who cares more about the business that you've created than:
- You
- Yourself
- And your future self
lol... The same concept applies to money management as well...

But I guess that's not very helpful so here are some principles which I acknowledge, integrate and follow.

1) Being wealthy is not the same as living wealthy. - Garrett Gunderson
- Read that carefully and let it sit for a few moments.

2) Enough. - Morgan Housel
- Yes, literally one word.
- There will always be the "next step" the next big thing. You need to draw a definitive line SOMEWHERE.
- He tells the story of an acclaimed author who goes to super fancy party hosted by a really wealthy man. Wealthy guy keeps bragging about having this and having that. The author responds, "But, I have one thing that he'll never have. Enough."

3) Don't save all of your retirement for the end. Spread it out throughout your life. - Tim Ferris
- Workaholic I am but this one struck me. Think about when you're the least able and capable... that is when you're 65+. Thinking of exploring the world once you retire? Well you'll most likely become explorer of who is the best heart surgeon personally. You'll become an elite yelp reviewer of doctors.
- If you've ever tried to book an appointment for a senior citizen here is how it goes. .Wait I can't I have a eye doctors appt that day. That other day is also no good, need to see my heart doctor.
- So when are you available??!?!?

4) Today's problems were yesterday's solution. - Peter Senge
- Make your decisions wisely...

I've always hated the idea of letting your job... career... or whatever define who you are. We live in societies that cannot function independently of all the gears, cogs, and worker bees. It's so compartmentalized that without one part of it, the whole system collapses.

The system needs you to do your part.

It's so ingrained in our minds that everyone always asks one another whenever they first meet, "so what do you do?" as if it was the most important question in the world.

I believe Calvin & Hobbes put it best here, "The system won't teach you to overthrow it."
- Think about how you went to school 5 days a week and sat there for however many hours.

It was training you to tolerate your 9-5 job. Hahaha.

---

If there was any solace... you should spend some time thinking about one common question.

"Tell me about yourself."
- Interview question that even the interviewer doesn't even know why he asks aside from the fact that everyone asks it...

But in essence, if you reword the question it becomes: WHO ARE YOU?

 

[Steptoe]

OP sounds a lot like me in my 20s. Getting a wife really knocked all that on the head pretty sharpish!

 

[DanielS]

I feel like my business has taken over my identity.

This is a rough place to be in. You spent all your time focusing on the business and you let go of everything else. Thus, your business became your identity. The tricky thing is, now you don't want to re-introduce the old things back into your life (or new things) because now you view everything through the lens of cost vs. reward. "I could write an article in the time it takes me to stare at this lake."

I get up in the morning and I work on my sites till I go to sleep. I am not working the entire time. Hell, I am barely productive but that's not the point. There's no start and end to it like there is with a day job because I feel like I am letting my business down if I am not working on it.

Sounds like you either don't have goals you value or you don't enjoy the work as much as you used to. You could also simply be burnt out - it wouldn't surprise me.

That's all the content I consume, even if it is someone random who has nothing valuable to offer me.

This has the opposite outcome that you'd think. I used to do this all the time - watch YouTube videos and courses. Heck, I've got an HDD filled with around 700 GB of courses, but I haven't watched any in months. It's completely unnecessary for you to be consuming this content right now. I'm not saying it's not good to always want to improve, but if there's no specific objective behind doing so, you'd be better off watching a movie or something purely entertainment-driven. You're just filling your brain with information you don't need.

If I had to choose something to do with my time, I would probably choose to work. My happiness fluctuates on the basis of my traffic and rankings. It's not that I can't do other things with my time, it is just that I would choose this if I had a choice.

How would you know this if you haven't done anything else in so long? You're just returning to your comfort zone (work) because it's easier than finding something else to do in your spare time. Mind you, working isn't a bad thing. You're probably much better off working than doing most of the things other people do. But, clearly, you know that this isn't the way to live - depending on traffic and rankings for happiness. Why do you actually work? What are you hoping to gain, really?

Since I work from home, I don't have much in the way of socialization. I lost most of my friends because we have very little in common now (even my best friends). Also, different cities and life got in the way. I don't feel like going out of my way to make new friends because I like being by myself.

I used to believe I liked being by myself. Then, I tried not being by myself, and I realized that I actually do enjoy being around people - even as an introvert. The key is to not drown yourself in social situations. 2-3 times per. week is more than enough for me, for example. I see people, I go home, and I repeat the process the next week.

Something to keep in mind is that in the real world, people have jobs and obligations. They don't just sit around in dorms or rental houses burping and talking about nothing all day. Before I moved, I was worried that people were going to smoother me and I wasn't going to be able to focus on work. This fear was just that - a fear.

The key is to find an environment you're comfortable in, talking to the people while your there, and see what happens. You don't need to force anything and try to be best friends with everyone. Think of it like school. You see your friends during the day, but when you get off the bus, you're alone and can do what you want until the next day.

I have set really big goals like $100M a year not because I want to have that much money but because I have a chip on my shoulder. In the process, I have not celebrated milestones that I dreamed of even a year ago like clearing six figures a month from my sites. I achieved it and it became meh.

It probably became "meh" because your lifestyle doesn't require you to make six figures a month (which is good). In other words, the payoff just isn't there like it was when you reached your first $5,000 month or whatever. Either look for satisfaction elsewhere or take that money and reinvest it into more passive things so you have some financial security and can allow yourself to relax.

Have any of you gone through something like this?

Have you seen my threads?

It sounds like you're looking for validation from other people because you've spent so long not looking for that validation. It's as if the pendulum has swung the opposite direction because you're realizing that maybe there's more to gain than just money, and you're having a bit of an identity crisis. "If I've reached six figures a month and I'm still not happy, then what?"

I think you just need more balance. That's something that I've learned since moving across the country - the importance of balance. Once you do more casual things and the business doesn't burn to the ground, you'll feel much better. But until you allow yourself to do so, you'll be stuck in this zone of fear and disappointment.

 

[CaptainHustle]

I do think if you have these concerns already, then you're not the type who "likes being alone" like you think you are. You should probably try to find some business partners or cowork situation with like minded people, not just randoms.

It’s interesting that you brought it up. I am seriously considering signing up for a co-working space.

At least that way, I can shut my laptop in the evening and “leave work”.

I don’t know about getting a job though because it would be going against why I started doing this in the first place. The psyche of all my friends who are working jobs is not pretty. It doesn’t look like they are having fun or anything. They’re usually just looking forward to the weekends to have time for themselves.

Another issue is just focusing on the negative and trying to be a fortune teller about negative outcomes or catastrophic futures. We can just as easily focus on the positive and have hope and anticipation for more goodness. These are mental boundaries we have to enforce for healthy living or we descend into anxiety, depression, pessimism, negativity, etc.

Thanks for all the great advice, it gives me a lot to think about.

I have actively tried to fight the fear and negativity by believing in my skills that got me here in the first place. I’m more worried about the confidence hit I’ll take if something were to happen.

I have been mulling over visiting a therapist to deal with some of these fears. Le see how that goes.

The issue of enforcing a social life and spending less time in the work is hard for me to say that... that it's wrong to go balls to the wall. I think the issue is that, if you're clearing 6 figures a month, you should be creating more processes, installing managers, and freeing up your time.

I am not a solopreneur. I have a company with over 15 employees and a dozen freelancers and contractors.

Just to be clear, I don’t deal with any of the day to day stuff. My time is mostly spent in hiring, training, and launching new projects. If I were to stop working, things would progress albeit much slower.

But if I have to achieve the goals that I have set, it would require me to transform into a CEO that can run a company of that size.

And I do want to transform. It’s just that I don’t want to lose my identity beyond the business in the process.

I’m going to enforce these boundaries more strictly even if I think I’m the happiest when I work.

Even if you don't go that route and stay enveloped by this work-universe, you need some boundaries on your behavior. If you're sitting there all day and not being productive and refreshing analytics and rank tracking, that's not really doing anything for you, your business, or anyone else. It's squandering your time. It would literally be better spent at the movie theater or playing video games.

You’re right.

When I introspected, I realised that I’m just looking for a dopamine hit when I see any gains in traffic or positions.

I don’t even let myself be happy with any positive changes, it’s just a momentary dopamine hit before going back to the normal.

This might resonate with you or not have anything to do with you, but I find a lot of people, me included, need permission. This permission often feels like it needs to come from other people but most often it needs to come from ourselves or we need assurances it comes from God or whatever, you know. But the permission is to relax, enjoy the fruits of our labor with the assurance that it won't all come crashing down (faith in yourself, your work, your team, in a spiritual sense, etc.).

This is spot on. I’m looking for permission, yet there’s no one to give it.

It also has to do with knowing that I have to be there for my employees everyday. I need to make a bunch of decisions everyday and I’m not comfortable enough to let anyone else take it off my hands yet.

If you want my honest advice to combat this - my website is my identity vibe - plan an exit.

I want the fuck out of this game - said it many many times here already.

When you have a target exit in mind - $x,xxx,xxx - that you know leads to your new life - then this literally becomes a stepping stone.

When it is a stepping stone to the next phase of your life you will instantly become less attached to all the feelings and other BS you are assigning to this game.

It is a means to and end.

What the end looks like should concern you more than what the means looks like.

Thanks for chiming in.

I understand an exit might make sense from a financial security point of view. But I’m not trying to unlock any doors with money. Lifestyle wise, I’m set.

For example, I started, I thought I’ll make money and travel the world. I traveled a bit and I realised I hate it.

I would rather wake up in my house, get to work in my office and have stability in my life. It’s probably holding me back but that’s what I have come to learn about myself.

I dont hate the game (if anything I love it a little too much). Even if I were to exit, I would probably be back to this because I love what I do (at least relative to my other options).

My concerns were more about becoming too obsessed with my business where I let it define my personality and happiness. As @DanielS pointed out, constantly seeing everything in terms of opportunity cost (for the business).

It has started affecting my life in other areas that I consider important. Like family time, hobbies, and reading (the last ten books I read were business books ew).

OP sounds a lot like me in my 20s. Getting a wife really knocked all that on the head pretty sharpish!

I do have a girlfriend. Even if you were joking, I have considered settling down.

But I know that marriage is only going to complicate my situation even more at this stage. I want to take control of my life before that happens.

 

[Steptoe]

Even if you were joking, I have considered settling down.

I did phrase it in a joking way, but it's completely true.

But I know that marriage is only going to complicate my situation even more at this stage. I want to take control of my life before that happens.

Control is relative and illusory. Money certainly gives you options, but the universe will do whatever the hell it wants at the end of the day.

 

[Ryuzaki]

Money certainly gives you options, but the universe will do whatever the hell it wants at the end of the day.

This is absolutely true. I've always said that all of us guys obsessed with obtaining financial freedom will find the next thing to worry about, and it'll likely be our physical health. And in both of these cases, if you get the universal curveball, there's only so much you can do.

I know above someone was stressing "focus on the end and don't worry about the means" but knowing this randomization factor about life makes me focus more on the means. It's not the "how" we get there, but the fact that we tried at all. It's the striving, in the end, that has to bring satisfaction. And there's a lot of great things we can strive towards, financially, physically, mentally, spiritually, socially, and so forth.

The striving produces greatness within us, which is a much more satisfactory outcome than the greatness we achieve on the outside, which may or may not be affected by the random, universal "gotcha". Which goes back to the beginning of the whole conversation... what's really important?

 

[bernard]

It’s interesting that you brought it up. I am seriously considering signing up for a co-working space.

At least that way, I can shut my laptop in the evening and “leave work”.

I don't think you can.

You'll just stop going there.

The key is to have some people who can share with you and keep each other motivated and sharing success and failures. Honestly, better to seek out others in a similar situation then share an office with them specifically around your business model.

My experience with cowork spaces is that they're not really great for what they try to be great at. Most people put in their headphones and zone out. Some coworking spaces might have some more social networking events.

Where I've seen this kind of thing work is where people get to know each other and share offices and usually also end up having some shared projects or just collabing on some stuff.

But I know that marriage is only going to complicate my situation even more at this stage. I want to take control of my life before that happens.

Why would you want to marry before having children?

Have some kids, that will surely motivate you.

 

[Biggy]

As someone simillar your age. I can relate what I will do in upcoming months. I'll get shared office. This office space rent are pretty cheap.

I like to socialize, but work from home has been slowly "killing" me in a way you don't see. So I'll mix home and office. I even forgot how to celebrate sucess.

Also this year i was really bad with doing any kind of sports. Thats why I need to find a club. Sad is just that my city is so small.

Seems like I lost my identity too. So this is quite a big problem.

Problem with affiliate is even bigger as we all hide from each other. Ecommerce is far more opened and social. That's why I said last year I'm movng away from affiliate sites and I still didn't.

 

[JOoa0ky]

@CaptainHustle @Biggy
I was alluding to what an "identity" meant but I don't think I was quite understood... I guess I need to be more explicit.

Disclaimer: This is just my opinion.

Your identity is either given to you by society or you create one for yourself.

---

The vast majority will just take what is given to them so what they identify with is what was given to them by society. Once again, your community and its government does not run on its own. They need every gear to do its job so the entire system runs smoothly.

It is imperative that every member of the community has a job and they do it well. It prevents the system from collapsing.

Imagine a world where all grocery stores went extinct. Imagine a world where doctors disappeared. It doesn't work.

This world rewards you for having a good "job" and consequently people are typically proud of what they do. It does make sense because you spend the majority of your day "earning a living". Thus, it has become a large part of everyone's identity.
- I am a software developer.
- I am an electrician.
- I am a professor.
- Etc

I disagree with having your career = your identity

What you do for a living is certainly a part of you but it is not ALL of you. You are so much more than what your community needs you to do.

We come back to this singular question of, Who are you?

What makes you you?
- Is what you do what makes you you?
- Or does joining a certain group/organization makes you you? Like being American or being catholic...

You know, people traverse the entire world in hopes of finding themselves... that's not quite right because you're not going to "find yourself" out there. Its not some buried treasure waiting to be uncovered.

The truth is you already have the answer.

You are a collection of values and principles. That is created by you and it is dynamic and not static. You're like a file... you can add and subtract codes from there...

To prove my point, think about what makes someone "American" vs "European".
- They have a differing set of values and beliefs.
- What makes an engineer an engineer vs an artist? They have differing values and attributes.

When you go to describe your neighbor Barack Obama, you say that he is an upstanding man because of his integrity and honesty. What makes him him is that he holds the values integrity and honesty dear to him.

The vice versa is also true of a "criminal". No integrity, sleazy, etc...

But even then, how do you distinguish two "different" people who are both lawyers. It's the total sum of all of their values, beliefs, and principles that make each of them unique.

Basically, you don't really need to "find yourself" what you need to do is sort out everything inside of you so that you have a coherent answer. Its like when you receive that article back from your writer and its all over the place. You need to STRUCTURE IT with headings and MAKE IT FLOW.

Do not blindly accept what is given to you. Go out there and create your own identity. You shape and mold it just like how you built your website from a blank page.

You may just be a business owner right now... but that doesn't mean you can't add to it. You can start a family and become a business owner / dad / husband.

If you want to be a man of integrity then you should start showing integrity through each and every one of your actions on a daily basis. You'll become a business owner / dad / husband / man of integrity.

Don't forget you can subtract as well.

You catch my drift?
- The bulk of the inspiration came from Ray Dalio and his book principles.
- Rather than read through a typical autobiography... you can understand a man so much more if you simply had a book of his values and principles...

 

[Biggy]

That's true for some part. @JOoa0ky

You said " I disagree with having your career = your identity "

Yes, but career can shape your identity and that can be a "problem" depends if it's a good one or a "bad" one. Especially depends on what kind of a person you are. I know some who work from home they are strictly working 6-8 hours a day and that's it. After that they go on a bike and doing various sports.

But some are not like that and career for sure shaped and changed us. If I'm honest why is that? I'm not the most organized person. Compared to my good friend who is and he's not having let's say affiliate site. He's just doing job from home for someone.

And look I made change. I just joined club. Doing sports is sooo important and I know last year when i was doing almost every day. I was felling so much better.

 

[Jake N Elwood]

OP sounds a lot like me in my 20s. Getting a wife really knocked all that on the head pretty sharpish!

Hard to believe you're only 32 looking at your photo mate

More importantly, finding that partner/spouse who understands what you are and what you do is a huge bonus.

I did phrase it in a joking way, but it's completely true.


Control is relative and illusory. Money certainly gives you options, but the universe will do whatever the hell it wants at the end of the day.

A lot of people don't think this way, they are purely money and status focused.

 

[Steptoe]

Hard to believe you're only 32 looking at your photo mate

Lol I wish, I'm at least a decade north of that

A lot of people don't think this way, they are purely money and status focused.

Life will school them sooner or later

And look I made change. I just joined club. Doing sports is sooo important and I know last year when i was doing almost every day. I was felling so much better.

Nice one! Those endorphins really help to destress and sort your head out